today was not a good day.
woke up late with a hangover (hate it). i chose sleep over dim sum when my sister woke me up earlier in the morn. wth... sleeping got the best of me. wasnt in the right state of mind to make decisions.
then then bloody emo and paranoid today. but i watched grey's anatomy ep3. so quite happy la. they said... 'the only cure for paranoia is the be there just as you are'. kinda... hmm... true... real... i suppose. oh well, no matter how paranoid i get cos of STPM, the only way to get rid of it is to just be in the god damned exam hall just as i am (goodness i sound like a philosopher).
ryte im freaking depressed this weekend. maybe cos an incident that occured triggered some painful memories in the past. one connection? the phone. but no la, the thingy was just a small thingy lar. haha..
im also depressed that stpm is coming real soon. i feel like im not fully prepared. see? again. paranoia. but noooo, still, this aint the major contributing factor.
it's more like... a very very sohai ironic thing that contributed to my depression. it's the fact that form 6 is coming to an end that's making my tummy churn in a very uncomfortable way everytime i think about it.
i mean, who would've thought I'd be this attached to form 6. hell, i've never expected it at all. but now that it's ending, i feel this sense of emptiness in my heart. it's so ironic that i chuckle at myself when i think of the things i said last time.
i remember vividly when i first stepped foot into this dreaded hell zone. there were good and bad memories. like i remember meeting my first new friend, Sanjiv, when he turned around to face me during the streaming of classes and said 'Hi my name is Sanjiv, sit with me?'. i mean, it's so dorky yet, come to think of it, so impactful.
and then there was the insecurity that Chun Yian had hoping he'd enter Beta cos he wanna be close to friends. and im glad he managed to enter. and became my partner in crime. then sitting close to Lem and Jiawei made me learn so much about these awesome people. back in sfi we didnt sit THAT close so i cant say i know them personally. but now i do. then came Phillip when he ran away from Singapore and Soon Heng when he was promoted to Beta. we are a big happy family the 6 of us. but it doesnt end there.
i've got to know awesome people like Jasmine Lim, both of us will be playing the staring game to see who'd last longer. poor Sanjiv and Lavnya were in between our line vision so they always become uncomfortable when Jas n I wage war. then there's Lavnya who i've never really talked to before except for that KL trip we had after SPM, the one Ester, Meiyi, Eevon, Lavnya and I rode a bus up to shop. crazy things we did. but it was fun nonetheless. and when we ended up in the same class we clicked immediately. a true friend indeed.
u noe im fkin emo right now ryte? i mean, apart from all these good stuff, i still didnt wanna be in Form 6. i dreaded it. i was afraid of the pressure. i was afraid i might not fit in. i was relying highly on my JPA appeal. praying they'd give it to me. and when it didnt work out i was so broken. i hated form 6. i hated the choice i made. i wished at that moment i could have played the spoilt brat card after SPM and go to private colleges instead. it was a very very low time of my life. looking back i can't believe how i've reacted and said things i wish i could take back.
but now, once again, how ironic. i'm missing every single bit of my form 6 life. and it's not even over yet. god knows what i'll feel once everything's done with. form 6 has a very strong and deep place in my heart now. it has become a part of who i am.
form 6 was, and still is, the worst yet best decision i've ever made in my life.
Punch out,
Nick
PS: i noe it's long. i needed to vent out my feelings. if u've reached this far, thank you for hearing me out =)
then i came up with an ingenius idea to relief my stress and blues!
so yeong and i, we got the assistance from this brown dog above. bloody cute kan?? makes me feel like getting a dog after STPM (will nv happen dun worry)
